Nightmare
by Nekkun
Summary: Gilbert wakes up and finds that things aren't quite right. For one thing, he's wearing a skirt. He and Alice aren't feeling quite like their normal selves...and they would rather die than let the rest of the world know! R&R!
1. Switcheroo

_A/N: I have no idea what on earth made me write this. I'm not sure if it's a one-shot or if I'll continue. In any case, I hope you enjoy it! This is my first Pandora Hearts fanfic so if it fails that is the reason why. But I'll try to get better, I swear! Reviews are nice. :] Also, although everyone and their cousin might think I own PH, I don't. That awesome creation belongs to Jun Mochizuki._

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Gilbert Nightray didn't understand why his head hurt so much. Nor, for that matter, why his bed seemed hard as cement. He opened his eyes; sunlight struck his pupils like a laser. He immediately shut them again, wondering why he had forgotten to draw his curtains last night. That had never happened before; if there was one good thing about him, it was his memory. However, sleep was all he wanted.

He rolled over, trying to get comfortable. What the hell? His ear felt like it grazed a rock. But that was impossible. His pillow was supposed to be there, soft and fluffy as it always was. Maybe he had gotten the flu, which explained why he felt so sore. Hadn't Sharon just recovered from it a while ago?

A breeze drifted over his bare legs and he stiffened.

Gilbert Nightray definitely did not sleep without pants on.

He shot up, eyes squinted against the sun. Break was at fault for this humiliation. When he got a hold of that damn clown he'd teach him a lesson. What kind of person stripped a guy down in such a vulnerable state? Everything came into focus slowly and Gilbert's jaw dropped.

This wasn't his room. He wasn't in bed. Trash cans surrounded him, and the stench of garbage invaded his nostrils. Horror flooded through his veins when he realized that he had passed out in an alley. The worst part was he had no idea how this had happened.

His gaze flickered down to his thighs.

A tiny whimper escaped his lips.

No pants, he had thought. Well, the legs were bare, but they weren't his. They were feminine. His gaze travelled past the white knee high boots, past an expanse of naked flesh, and stopped at a tiny black skirt. Gilbert felt his heard thud dully in his chest.

This had to be a nightmare.

"There you are!"

A voice proclaimed, both familiar and strange. But he couldn't tear his eyes away from the skirt. A chant of _this is not happening_ threatened to break free from his lips, but he grew distracted. Something felt off about his chest. Without thinking, he reached out with both hands and pressed against it.

He had barely gotten a feel of soft flesh beneath... a ribbon? before someone screeched and yanked his hands away.

"You're disgusting, seaweed head! What do you think you're doing?"

Gilbert saw the strangest thing he had ever laid eyes on.

A man in a black trench coat glared down at him, golden eyes ablaze with fury. He stared and felt his own eyes widen in response. There was nothing quite like seeing yourself as everyone else saw you. His doppelganger dropped hold of Gilbert's hands suddenly, as if they were burning hot.

"What?" Gilbert managed to choke out.

The other him glared even more furiously. "Don' t try to pretend that you weren't trying to feel me up! I may be a chain, but I know that human boys like you have strange thoughts about those." A nod towards Gilbert's chest. "Touch any other part of me and I'll kick your ass. Got it?"

It couldn't be. There was no way. But...

"Alice?"

The doppelganger crossed its arms. "That's correct."

"Oh no." He held his hands up to his face. Girly hands. "Don't tell me..."

"Do I have to spell it out for you? We swapped bodies."

Gilbert buried his face in his hands, suddenly realizing that long brunette hair draped over his shoulders in curtains. This was the worst dream he had ever had. Being trapped in the body of that stupid rabbit? He couldn't wait until Oz burst into his room with a cheerful smile and woke him up. This time he wouldn't complain. He'd never complain about anything ever again once he woke up. He promised that to himself.

Something flicked his forehead and he recoiled backwards, holding himself up by his hands. Alice's hands? Everything made him so confused he didn't know where to start. Waking up would be a good first step.

The Alice in his body scowled at him. "This is all your damn fault. If you hadn't gotten in my way with that gun of yours, the chain wouldn't have had time to use its powers." She jabbed at him again. "Trying to prove to Oz that you aren't useless always backfires. Realize that, seaweed for brains!"

Vague memories flickered through his mind. There had been a call about a chain causing mayhem in town. He, Oz, and Alice had gone to exterminate it at Break's request. Something had gone wrong...the chain had been about to attack Oz...Gilbert had tried to intervene.

There had been a flash of blue light and afterwards darkness.

Oh, shit. Reality slapped him in the face.

"This can't be happening."

She—he couldn't think of Alice in his body as male, no way—smirked down at him. Gilbert hadn't realized his lips were even capable of that. He wanted to punch her in the face, but restrained himself. That would just be stupid. After all, he'd have to deal with the black eye once he got his body back.

"Get up." She nudged at him roughly. "It's humiliating seeing myself like that."

He obliged, taking as long as he could to do so without earning a kick.

"Am I standing?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Yeah."

"Oh. I couldn't tell. You're so short."

"You—!"

"How do we reverse whatever the chain did?" he asked. "There's no way we're returning to headquarters like this."

"That chain was small fry, so this will only last for three days at the most."

"Three days?" The hope in his chest shrivelled and died. "That's three days too ma—"

"I know already!" She glanced down at her pelvis region, a disturbed look on her face. "And then there's this...this _thing_ between my..."

Gilbert could not let her go any further with regard to that.

"Someone needs to clean this place up." He began rubbing pieces of dirt off his legs. "I'm all mud—"

Her head snapped up. "Stop touching me!"

"Do you want me to walk around in your mud stained body?"

"No!" She stomped her foot. "I don't want you in my body at all! I especially don't want to be in _your_ body." Alice gestured wildly at Gilbert's form that she now found herself occupying. "There is a feeling of utter weakness! This is so humiliating!"

Gilbert smirked, and found that his new lips seemed to do this without any effort.

"Seaweed head," he sang, unable to control himself.

Alice lunged at him and he managed to dodge her easily. Alice's body might be small, but it was quick. He laughed as she stumbled, nearly tripping over an empty bottle. This was oddly satisfying. A balcony loomed about ten feet overhead. Before Alice had time to turn, he had jumped up onto it.

She glanced around wildly before he made a coughing noise.

"Get down here, you useless, second rate, good for nothing servant!" she bellowed up at him.

Gilbert was about to reply when he suddenly realized he had forgotten something very important. The person he cared about more than anything in this world. Panic washed over him in waves. Everything seemed to turn red on the edges, but he shook his head and it cleared. Alice continued threatening him but he jumped down to meet her anyway in one graceful motion. Anger radiated towards him but he couldn't concern himself with that now. Gilbert had one priority only.

"What happened to Oz?"

She blinked. "I don't know."

"You should've stayed with him!"

"You're the servant," she retorted, "and a second class one at that! Besides, we teleported as some side effect of that blue light. Oz probably did too."

The pounding of his heart nearly drowned out her voice.

"I have to find him!"

Before he could run off, she grabbed him. Gilbert struggled for only a moment before realizing it was useless. In this body, he might be quick, but he was still a girl. And Alice had the power to manipulate him as she wished.

"Hold it right there."

"Let go," he said, not wanting to admit that her grip hurt. "I have to—"

"Stop being such a foolish idiot." She sighed. "Seeing myself behaving like that embarrasses me. Besides, do you want Oz to find us like this?"

Gilbert remembered the fact that he was in a skirt and fully equipped with girl parts. The thought of Oz seeing him like this...he felt himself flush. That would be all the reason he needed to run off and never show his face in public again.

"Stop going all red!" Alice ordered, despite blushing herself. "The second I get my body back I'm going to take a hot shower to get rid of the uselessness that has tainted it!"

"Same here," he replied.

They glared at each other, gold locked with violet, each daring the other to take a swing at themselves first, when they froze.

"Gil?" Oz called. "Alice?"

"Shit," Gilbert blurted out. "Shit, shit, shi—"

"Shut up!" Alice clamped a hand over his mouth. "Listen carefully, seaweed head. We have to act naturally. That'll be hard for me since I'm not used to being an idiot. But try not to talk. I'll handle this."

He nodded, unable to think of a better solution, and she released him.

Oz peeked into the alley; his jade eyes lit up at the sight of them.

"You're both okay!" he exclaimed, walking towards them. "I knew you would be, but that chain had some odd powers. I woke up blocks from where we fought it." He smiled at Alice. "Your aim back there was great as usual, Gil."

Gilbert almost thanked him but a sharp elbow in his side told him off.

"Thank you, master," Alice cooed.

Gilbert almost fainted. What was with that syrupy voice? Did he really sound like that when he addressed Oz? No, he most certainly didn't. That stupid rabbit was trying to made him out to be some simpering idiot.

But Oz gave her a sweet smile, one Gilbert had received many times.

Okay, so maybe he did sound like that. But only a little. Alice exaggerated it.

"You're the real hero, Alice." Oz turned to him. "You destroyed that chain as if it were nothing."

Gilbert's mind drew a blank. What would she say in a situation like this?

"I think she hit her head," Alice said, putting her elbow to good use when Oz wasn't looking. "She's barely said a word since we met."

Oz peered at him closely. "We should go home and let you rest."

Gilbert managed to shake his head, causing his new brunette locks to swish around his face. "I feel fine. In fact, I feel great. We don't need to go back." He realized with horror that he was babbling but couldn't stop. "In fact, we should stay out for a while. Maybe sleep at a hotel or something for a few days and hunt—"

"Stupid rabbit!" Alice growled. "We need to go back to headquarters!"

_Play along or else_, was the warning he read in her eyes.

He crossed his arms and tossed his head back, hoping this would work.

"No way!" he exclaimed. "I'm the invincible B. Rabbit! I don't need to rest like mere mortals do." He sneered at Alice, once again finding that these disdainful expressions came naturally. "But if you're tired, seaweed head, then go!"

"Whatever. Stupid rabbits just run on their idiocy, that's why," Alice retorted.

"Ah, don't fight!" Oz said. "We just had a battle."

They met eyes over his head and smiled in relief.

"Shall we go out to eat as celebration?" Oz added. "A new restaurant just opened."

Gilbert saw Alice grin widely at his suggestion and as she opened her mouth he realized that she was about to ruin it for them. This plan to act natural was well and good, but she lost her head around food. Oz would realize what was going on once she began ranting about meat. He took a breath, knowing that she would never let him live this down, but it was for their own good.

Gilbert burst into maniacal laughter.

Alice appeared startled at first, shoulders tensed, but soon relaxed.

"What's the matter now?" Alice asked.

"I need meat!" Gilbert proclaimed, throwing out his arms and feeling like an idiot. "Chicken, lamb, turkey—all of it! In a sandwich where the bread slices are bacon!"

Oz chuckled. "Glad you still have your appetite."

"It's amazing how you look so good even after all the food you chow down," Alice added, seeming unable to resist praising herself.

Gilbert's eyes nearly rolled back into their skull at her unrelenting ego, but he answered with, "And you _never_ look good, so I'm the winner here!"

They bickered some more before Oz intervened; soon, they were on their way to the restaurant. Gilbert felt his stomach growl. As they passed vendors, he realized that he could make out all kinds of different scents. Alice had some interesting abilities. If all the food smelled this tempting, then he could see why meat was so appealing to her.

He smiled to himself. Huh. Imagine that, understanding the rabbit girl a little more.

Maybe the next three days wouldn't be so bad after all.


	2. Addiction

Alice found it more difficult than she thought to walk around in her new body. She was tall now, taller than most people they passed on the street. Usually she had to jump up onto a box in order to get people to notice her, but now she could look down on everyone. That suited her just fine. These mere mortals were nothing compared to her, after all, and they needed to realize this.

However, the fact that this height was borrowed from_ him_ pissed her off.

She walked beside Oz, while Gilbert, in her body, in her clothes, walked ahead of them. He seemed to be taking great interest in all the food stalls. Alice wished that she had her senses back. Nothing seemed quite as good in this new form. The meat smelled all right, but nothing like the heaven she had experienced before.

In fact, she didn't have much of an appetite at all. This worried her, because she was so used to consuming enormous quantities of food. Back when she was herself, she had needed a lot of energy due to battles. Mealtimes were the best part of her day.

But _he_ never did anything, being useless, so she would probably get flabby if she even tried to eat more than one plate of food at a meal. Thankfully, this would only last for a short time. Once she resumed her proper life as the great Alice B. Rabbit, she would teach that idiot a lesson for meddling in her battles.

"Are you all right, Gil?"

She walked a few steps before realizing that Oz was addressing her.

"Yes, I'm fine." She tried to smile in the idiotic manner the seaweed head did. "I hope that...that stupid rabbit," she cringed inwardly at the insult, "doesn't make us spend all our money."

There. That was what Raven—she smirked at the name, which implied something cool and fearsome, which that seaweed head definitely wasn't— would say, being such a penny pincher. Back in the Abyss money had never been of concern. Alice certainly wasn't going to bother with it here.

Oz waved her off. "Let Alice eat! We're not exactly poor, are we?"

"I suppose."

Something seemed to increase slowly inside her with each passing moment. It was a desperate need, an itch that she couldn't place physically. She frowned down at Raven's body. What was that matter with it? Her gloved hands began to tremble and she tried to shove them into her pockets, but the ridiculous trench coat didn't have any.

She turned to Oz, wanted to ask him what was going on, but he was no longer by her side. He had run off to where that body snatcher stood, pointing at chicken carcasses hanging from hooks. The sight of them made her sick and she had to look away.

Damn, if this weakness kept up, she'd have to put herself out of her misery.

The gun, in its holster on her hip, seemed very tempting.

She shook these thoughts away. What was she thinking? Alice B. Rabbit had gone suicidal after just a half hour of being in a man's body! That was unacceptable. She needed to get her original body back, no matter what.

The craving seemed to increase, but she didn't know what her body wanted.

Then she smelled it: smoke, drifting towards her in lazy waves. She looked around desperately, and saw a group of boys huddled against a brick wall. A few of them had cigarettes in their hands.

Her mind recoiled in distaste; she hated smoking. Her sensitivity to the scent was such that she would destroy Raven if he so much as tried lighting up around her. But now, she _was _Raven, and her body yearned for tobacco.

If Raven got cancer, that wasn't her problem.

She narrowed her eyes and stomped towards them.

The boys all stopped talking as if someone had flicked a switch. She stood before them, Her body screamed for a cigarette and if she didn't get one soon she felt as if she would die.

She held out her hand, palm up. "Give me one."

"One of what?" A boy with a pockmarked face asked.

"That." She gestured at a kid with a pack of cigarettes. "I need it."

He shook his head. "No way, man. We bought these."

Alice wanted to curbstomp all of them. They stared at her with beady little eyes and yellow teeth. These rodents, how dare they refuse her! But it was probably because she looked the furthest thing from intimidating. If she turned into B. Rabbit right now, they'd wet themselves from fear.

"I only want one, brats!"

"We ain't afraid," a brown haired weasel said. "You're one of them Nightrays, ain't cha? If you do anything to us we'll report your ass."

His fellow rodents all chimed in agreement.

Alice saw red. She rose her fist, ready to bash the nearest skull in, when someone tugged on her sleeve. Oz grinned up at her. Her heart banged in her chest with barely suppressed rage, but she allowed him to hold her back. Gilbert lingered behind him, with a dumbfounded expression on his face. An expression that she would never make in a million years.

"What's going on?" Oz asked the group.

"The Nightray wants to steal our smokes!"

Oz gave Alice a look that she couldn't understand before turning back to the weasels.

"How about I pay for them?"

A pause, and then a chorus of "How much? These were expensive!" broke out.

Oz, being the negotiator that he was, managed to get the cigarettes without further hassle. The trio left the boys looking pleased with the small pile of coins they now possessed. Alice knew she had done something wrong, from the way Gilbert glared at her. That pissed her off. How was it her fault that he was a damn addict to the stuff?

"Have something to say to me?" she snapped at him.

"Gil," Oz interrupted, holding up the cigarettes, "Were you really going to steal these?"

"I need them."

Oz held them out to her and she flipped the carton open, rummaging inside and pulling out the first paper stick she could. She stuck it in her mouth and sucked on the end. This better get rid of the urge or else.

"Wow, Gil." Oz chuckled. "I think you shouldn't try to quit cold turkey again."

Gilbert grabbed her by the arm, and she shook him off, trying to get the stupid object in her mouth to work.

"Leave me alone, sea—stupid rabbit!" she mumbled.

"There's something I have to show you!"

"Not now, I—"

Gilbert grabbed the cigarettes from her hand and took off, brunette hair flying out behind him as he ran. Rage boiled in her blood. She took off after him, finding it slightly difficult to run in this newly lanky form. The cigarette in her mouth fell out without her noticing.

"Get back here!"

Oz watched them go, and a small smile crept onto his face.

"Those two..."

Alice almost lost sight of him—of herself—and that nearly drove her insane when she saw him standing in front of the fountain in the town's square. She hurried over to him and snatched the precious box back. She stuck another stick into her mouth, glaring down at him.

"What the hell was that, seaweed for brains?"

"You're an idiot," Gilbert growled. "It's ridiculous how you were practically eating the cigarette. Oz is going to think I'm a moron. You've seen me smoke before, haven't you?" Violet eyes blazing, he stepped towards her. "How could you forget that you have to _light the damn thing up_?"

"Light it?"

Gilbert sighed and reached into the front of the trench coat. Before she could register what was happening, he had fished a lighter from her. With his other hand, he pulled out a crumpled pack of cigarettes. So that was where he kept things: there were hidden pockets on the inside of his _look at me, aren't I tough_? coat.

"See, stupid rabbit?" He waved the items before her. "If you had bothered to check, you wouldn't have gotten yourself into that situation." Another sigh escaped his lips. "And now Oz is alone again, and I have to go find—"

"Do it for me," she instructed.

"What?"

"Light the stupid thing for me!"

Gilbert appeared as if he wanted to refuse, but he obeyed. Soon she had a cigarette in her gloved fingers, glowing ember at one end. The smell of the hazy smoke; the smell of the chemicals! Never had anything seemed more glorious.

She inhaled deeply, and experienced a moment of joy.

Then she began coughing.

"You have to do it slowly."

"Thanks for telling me," Alice managed to splutter between coughs. "My lungs are on fire! I'm going to die as a seaweed head!"

Gilbert guided her to a bench and propped her into a sitting position. "Relax. I was like that my first time. It'll get easier." He paused. "I tried to quit so many times, but once I got started..."

Breathing returned to normal but that didn't help her any. She crushed the cigarette beneath her foot, grinding it until there was almost nothing left.

"Shut up! I will _never _get used to this!" Moisture pricked her eyes and she grew horrified—being a crybaby was hardwired in his genes!— but tears began to drip down her face anyway. "I don't want to be you anymore! I want to be me, I want—!"

"Shh. It'll be fine, Alice. Don't worry."

Her bawling ceased as if had been cut off with a knife.

Gilbert stared at her, wide eyed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She snuffled and grabbed his arm, wiping her nose back and forth on his red sleeve. "That's better."

"Hey!" He tried to pull her off, but she clung to it. "This is _your _jacket, you know."

She glanced down at the snotty sleeve before yelping and pushing him away.

"You should've stopped me. Now it's ruined!"

"I'll wash it, okay? Don't be so melodramatic. Are you a chain or aren't you? Blood must've gotten all over your clothes in the abyss. And here you are, bellowing your head off over something like this." He flicked her forehead. "It's fine."

She looked away, feeling a blush rise to her cheeks.

This was too strange, being comforted by yourself.

But...she didn't feel as if Raven had taken her body over. He was still Raven. Even now, his awkward, hunched posture didn't look right. Alice had always made a point of taking up as much space as possible. He seemed so insecure, sitting like that. Their bodies remembered some things about the previous inhabitants, but it was really their mind that made them who they were.

A loud growl echoed throughout the square. People looked up, startled, before continuing with whatever they were going. Alice smirked at the blush that appeared on Gilbert's face at his stomach's grumbling. She had to admit that he looked kind of cute. But that was only because she, Alice B. Rabbit, was cute, of course.

"I tend to get hungry at this time of day," Alice informed him.

"Ever since I've been you, I've _always_ been hungry," Gilbert said. "Let's go find Oz so that we can go to that restaurant."

Alice tossed her head back, and although her hair was no longer as long as it had been, she still felt it to be an effective statement.

"Fine. But first..." She held out the pack to him. "Your body wants to be disease ridden, seaweed head."

"I don't think all the dead flesh I'll be consuming today will do _your_ body any favours either," Gil retorted as he lit one for her. "Would you like to place bets on who will die first, stupid rabbit?"

"Let's see." She took a small puff on the cigarette, and her body seemed to tingle all over. That was nice. "I guess it'll be me."

"Really? I'm impressed by your sudden intelligence."

"Yes." She smirked at him. "But only because I'm carrying the burden of your body at present. I'm sure this mop of seaweed on my head is on wanted posters everywhere. Ask me that question once things are normal and I'll have a different answer."

That started Gilbert on a rant but she tuned him out.

Only a little longer; she could manage.

Alice glanced down at her pelvis again.

Now, if only that thing wasn't so damn c_reepy_...

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_A/N: Hee, I hope you enjoyed this! Not sure how many more chapters there will be, but as long as people want more I'll write more. It's slightly confusing writing this whole bodyswap thing in terms of whether to write he/she etc but I'm having fun! Also, write more PH stories, guys! I have a craving of my own and it involves new stuff from you. ;D_


	3. Confusion

Gilbert didn't know why, but he had gotten somewhat used to his new female form. He glanced up at Alice, who walked alongside him. She had her face—his face—scrunched into an expression of concentration as she smoked the cigarette. He wanted to point out that she was still holding it incorrectly, but didn't want to get kicked. This might be Alice's body, but he wasn't sure she would leave it undamaged if he made her really angry.

Normally he wouldn't care, but seeing as she was now twice as big as he was, any punishment she doled out would definitely hurt a lot more. He clenched his hands into fists, still a little surprised at how small they were.

He hadn't felt so childish in a long time.

But his semi-relaxed state of mind went on high alert once Oz came into sight. The blond was propped up against a wall, and seemed to be having an excellent time chatting with a girl in a navy blue dress. Gilbert narrowed his eyes at this. He did not approve of Oz's attempt at flirting everywhere he went one bit. His master had a reputation to maintain, after all. Gossip spread like the plague around these parts. Not that anyone save for a few handful of people even knew about Oz's existence, but still.

"What's the matter?" Alice muttered, not bothering to remove the still lit cigarette from her lips. "You look like you have to go to the toilet."

He glared sideways at her. "Wrong again, stupid rabbit."

"Whatever, seaweed for brains. Just stop making that face or I'll have to do something about it." She dropped the cigarette onto the ground and continued walking. "And I feel quite nice, so I—"

Gilbert stopped to stomp the cigarette out with the heel of his foot.

Alice snorted. "Really, nothing would have happened if you had left it there."

"Better safe than sorry," he said, leaning sideways to look behind her at Oz. "We should go to him now. I'm getting this strange urge to hunt down food with my bare hands. Really, you have such primitive instincts."

"Shut up!"

"Where did you run off to?"

Oz popped up before them with a cheerful grin. Gilbert forced himself to stand still and not leap back at the sudden shock. The younger boy's face was so close to his...and he was taller than Gilbert...and his eyes were so green. He felt himself flush and looked away. Damn it. What the hell was with this sudden rush of emotion?

"Alice?" Oz said, leaning closer to her. "Is something the matt—"

"No." Gilbert felt his heart pounding. "Hurry, I need to eat some meat!"

"Of course," Oz agreed. "Follow me. The restaurant's near here."

Gilbert nodded once, in a mechanical up and down motion. He couldn't make himself meet Oz's gaze. If he did, he was sure that the boy would see him, Gilbert Nightray, staring back through eyes of a different color. And he didn't want that. Oz already had plenty of things to tease him about. A thing like this, though, would definitely be the worst.

He felt a pair of eyes on him and felt himself bristle. Before he looked up, he already knew that it would be himself, possessed by that idiotic girl, glaring at him. He was correct. But before he could snap out some feeble insult, Oz had tugged on her sleeve and she turned to him reluctantly.

Gilbert trailed behind them, feeling a little lost.

Did they have to walk together like that?

He shook his head. Pointless thoughts.

Oz and Gilbert were best friends, so it was only natural that they would...

Oh, shit.

He was starting to think of himself as that girl, no longer as Gilbert. But that had just been a slip of the mind. Perhaps one of her dormant emotions had flickered up inside him. Traces of her still lingered, such as the desire to eat meat. And now, walking behind them, Gilbert realized the feeling that simmered inside his chest: loneliness.

Alice...

"We're almost there," Oz announced. "It should be just around this corner."

Gilbert felt himself perk up. Meat was so close. And, since he was in Alice's body, he wouldn't have to worry about whether it was well cooked or had bacteria crawling all over it. Besides, she was practically a wild animal, so her stomach must be made of steel. He forced himself to continuing walking at a normal pace as his body screamed at him to run towards to source of food. If he ran it would be embarrassing and...

Wait, what was he thinking? _She _wouldn't wait.

So he broke out running and left them behind. Someone called out to him—he thought it was Oz—but couldn't stop his feet. The urge was too strong. Besides, they would catch up shortly. He turned onto a cobblestoned street and scanned the area for a recently constructed building. A frown crossed his lips. There was nothing here but a row of shabby houses. Maybe a rundown cafe or two.

He heard footsteps behind him and whirled around, planting his hands on his hips.

"Hey, you said that it would be—"

"My, my." Break beamed back at him. "What are you doing here, Miss Alice?"

Gilbert heard himself make a hissing noise and clapped his hands over his mouth. Break stared at him, a bemused expression in his one good eye. Oh, this was just great. He looked behind the man, but there was no sign of his two friends. Well, maybe she wasn't his friend, but if he compared her to Break, she definitely got more points in that department.

"I'm not going to tell you anything."

"Where's the creepy brat?"

He bristled at the words. "Don't call my m—"

Break raised his eyebrows. "What's that?"

"Nothing!" He crossed his arms. "Leave me alone, clown."

"But we wanted to say hello!"

Gilbert shivered from head to toe at Emily's creepy exclamation. The puppet doll, or whatever it was, lurked on Break's shoulder. He knew that it wasn't really talking. It was just a stuffed toy. But his instincts seemed to treat it like it were a real monster.

Break flapped his arms at him, hidden in the billowing sleeves. "You know, it's dinner time. Lady Sharon is waiting for you to return. In fact, she said you mentioned wanting a whole roast pig to yourself yesterday? The good lady has made this come true and you're not even there to appreciate it."

Damn it, that stupid rabbit had gotten him into a mess.

He shrugged. "I changed my mind."

"I can see that." A lollipop materialized out of nowhere and Break gave it a small lick. "Well, I suppose I'll be going now. I take it the other two won't be there for dinner either?"

Gilbert glared at him. "Just leave, clown!"

"You know, I really thought you wouldn't leave Oz's side."

"What?"

A light laugh. "You only just got him back recently, didn't you?"

Gilbert took a step back. Well, his cover was blown. Of course Break would know that he wasn't Alice. The man was strange like that. And the way Break smirked at him made him want to crawl into a hole and die. Anyone else finding this out would be better than him! Now he'd be blackmailed for the rest of his life. If you could call what would happen once he got his body back "living."

"I bid you farewell!"

He watched, horror throbbing through his body, as Break crept into a cardboard box. It seemed way too small to fit him as Alice, let alone a grown man and his puppet companion. But Break folded himself into the box without seeming to exert any effort at all. The last thing he saw was Break hand sticking out at the top, and giving him a wave.

"Wait, Break!" Gilbert yelled suddenly, dashing to the box. "Don't tell anyone—"

But it was too late. There was nothing there except dented cardboard.

Great.

"Don't tell anyone what?"

He looked over his shoulder to see a curious Oz and an infuriated Alice standing there.

Gilbert crossed his arms. "Well, uh—"

There didn't seem to be an excuse for shouting at nothing.

"What's your problem?" Alice pointed at him. "If you had a brain you wouldn't go running off all the time! You have no sense of direction."

"It's okay, Gil." Oz gave Alice a smile. "It's my fault."

"No, it's _that_ thing's fault." Alice narrowed her eyes at Gilbert, and he did the same. "If I knew how to use your—" She cut herself off, seeming to realize that she was treading dangerous waters. "Never mind. I can't explain anything to someone like you."

"Don't mind Gil, Alice. He was just worried about you."

"Well, where's the restaurant?" Gilbert said, trying to return to a lighter topic. "I'm never going to eat, am I!"

"Like I said, it's my fault."

Gilbert hated it when Oz spoke like this. His emerald eyes were still bright, but he could see how much Oz was beating himself up over this. And Alice was right there, in his body, but of course she didn't know what to say. If she even noticed how upset Oz was at all. She was fumbling with another cigarette.

"I thought the restaurant would be here, but it's on the other side of town." Oz chuckled, and Gilbert knew it was for show. "Sorry about that. I know you really wanted to try out some new meat dishes."

"I don't need your pity," Gilbert proclaimed, crossing his arms. "Aren't there many restaurants?" He gestured grandly at one of the cafes. "Let's go there."

Oz followed his pointed finger. "Are you sure? It looks sort of..."

"Don't question me. Remember your place, manservant!"

For a second Gilbert felt he had gone too far. What was he thinking, calling his master by Alice's degrading term? An apology would definitely be called for later on, even if Oz had no idea what it was for. This whole situation was beginning to take a toll on him.

But Oz surprised him by laughing genuinely.

"All right. We'll have an adventure today!"

"I hope we don't get poisoned." Alice removed the cigarette from her mouth and dropped it onto the ground. "I'll use my guns on you if anything happens to Oz, stupid rabbit."

The cigarette glowed on the floor; Gilbert was about to crush it when Alice's foot, wearing his boot, came down first. He looked up at Alice and she gave him a satisfied smile. He couldn't help but smile back.

You could teach an idiotic rabbit new tricks, after all.

* * *

The interior of the restaurant was much nicer than Gilbert had expected. It was small, but clean, with paintings on the walls and plush seats. They weren't the only customers there either, which was a good sign. If people came here to eat, that must mean that the food was pretty decent.

"Sit next to me," Alice ordered, yanking him down before he could say anything. "I don't want you causing trouble.

Gilbert obeyed without protest, but the expression on Oz's face made him question his decision not to struggle. Oz had his chin propped up on one hand, and he was looking from Alice to Gilbert with intense interest.

He really didn't want to know what his master was thinking. If it was anything in the vein of what Break knew, that would be very bad. He needed to do something to make Oz much less intrigued about them. And there was only one way to do that.

A pretty girl came up to their table. "What will you be having?"

"Meat!" Gilbert banged a fist on the table, causing it to shake. "Give me all of it!"

She appeared taken aback. "That will be for all of you, right?"

"No, woman. It's all for me. Those two will get something else."

"If you're sure." She blinked. "Maybe your father won't—"

"_Father_?" Gilbert and Alice yelped in unison.

Oz hid a smile. "We're all friends."

"Oh, excuse me, I just thought, seeing as she looks so young—"

Alice shot daggers at her from across the table. Normally Gilbert would be pleased, but he didn't want one more second of this woman's confused rambling. So he stood up and faced her head on.

"Listen here. I want my meat now!" He pointed at her, nearly taking an eye out. "We'll be paying you well so we expect to get whatever we want. Understand?"

With that, he sat back down, leaving the waitress looking pale.

Oz and Alice quickly gave their orders, Oz being especially sweet, before she could complain. The waitress wandered off, a dazed expression on her face. Gilbert cringed inwardly, realizing that he had behaved exactly like the rabbit would, but that was a good thing. The less suspicion, the better.

He snuck a glance at Oz, who smiled at him.

That strange curiosity on his face had all but vanished.

Something sunk into his bare thigh beneath the table and he sat straight up in his seat. What the hell was Alice doing, grabbing him there? Good thing that he always kept his nails trimmed. The fact that he wore gloves also helped.

He kept a straight face as he pinched Alice back.

She jolted up in her seat, gold eyes wide.

"I'm going to kill you," she said through strangled vocal cords.

Oz got up suddenly. "I need to use the restroom. Don't fight too much, all right?"

"We'll try," they chimed together.

"What's your problem, seaweed head?" Alice practically screeched once Oz was out of sight, rubbing the pinched spot on her arm. "How dare you try something like that?"

"Stop screaming," he replied, voice low. "Men don't wail like banshees."

"Are you calling me a banshee?"

"You don't even know what that is."

Alice scowled at him. "It really hurts. You're dead."

"You started it, you stupid rabbit. I only returned the favour."

"What? I never touched you!" She looked insulted, but spots of red bloomed on her cheekbones. "To willingly touch someone as pathetic as—"

Something scratched his leg again. Gilbert swallowed once. Alice's hands were clearly visible: one was on the table, the other comforting her arm. The scratching gave way to a weight settling onto his lap.

He looked down into a pair of golden eyes, much like Alice now had.

"Meow?"

Gilbert Nightray promptly passed out cold.

* * *

_A/N: I hope this chapter didn't completely suck. Because...I don't know. *flail* I can't believe that I actually have three chapters up. Thanks so much for your reviews! I hope to hit the grand 20 someday, because that would be amazing. Remember: you're all awesome for being fans of PH! ;D_


	4. Mistakes

Seeing yourself faint would freak anyone out, and Alice was no exception. One moment Gilbert had been whining and the next his violet eyes had rolled back into his head as he face planted into the table. She stared, unable to believe what she was seeing.

"Meow!"

That noise again...

Alice ducked down and lifted up the table cloth. A tiny black and white kitten sat on Gilbert's lap. Its whole body vibrated strangely, and a rumbling noise came from its throat. It blinked at her slowly, before letting out another meow. So that was what the whole pinching situation had been about.

"Idiot," she muttered under her breath. "To be afraid of something like—"

"Sir, is something the matter?"

Alice shot up so fast that she bumped her head on the edge of the table. The waitress from before stood there. She was staring at the unconscious Gilbert. If Alice didn't know better she could have sworn that the woman looked a little relieved.

Well, the seaweed head had behaved in a ridiculous manner earlier, but still.

"No, we're fine," she said, hoping he would wake up, proving this to be true.

However, the scene of the slumped over girl remained the same.

Damn, he would never cooperate, would he!

"Should I get a doctor?" The woman fretted.

"No, this just happens when she doesn't eat enough." Alice drummed her fingers on the table. "Once she smells meat, she'll wake up."

"Oh."

Alice tried to smile and the woman backed up even further.

She couldn't blame her; Gilbert's nice looking smiles only appeared around Oz.

He appeared rather frightening to people who didn't know him as well as they did. But honestly, a guy whose hair resembled underwater vegetation obviously posed no threat. Humans were so strange; she really wished she could understand them better.

"Could you hurry it up, please?" Alice asked, catching sight of a head of blond hair.

The waitress nodded and scurried away, getting out of earshot just as the kitten let out another loud meow. Alice turned back to him, but his form was still. His lips were slightly parted. A trail of drool came from one corner. She wanted to shake him by the shoulders. Honestly, how infantile he made her look! If they were in the Abyss and she pulled such an expression she would never be able to redeem herself.

They'd think of her as the baby chain and—

Oh no, blond hair!

She stood up abruptly, nearly knocking her chair over. Oz was heading towards their table slowly, but he stopped constantly to chat with girls. There weren't very many in this place, which meant he would reach them in no time.

Alice preferred not to have to explain the situation to him

A girl brushed passed her, and Alice grabbed her by the wrist. She whirled around, eyes huge in her pale face. When she saw Alice they grew even bigger. Alice took a breath and poured all the charm she could into mustering up a smile, pretending that the girl was Oz. Maybe her new lips would cooperate then.

"Miss, do you see that boy over there?"

She followed Alice's pointed finger to where Oz stood.

"He's been talking about you non-stop since we got here," Alice said, trying to remember lines from romance novels Sharon had read to her. "He says your laughter sounds like bells and your eyes twinkle like stars."

The girl looked at Oz for a long moment, and Alice knew it was over.

"He did?" The girl said suddenly. "That's so sweet!"

Alice released her. "Go talk to him! For as long as you can! Take off your shirt or something."

"What?"

But Alice had no time for questions and shoved her in Oz's direction. Apparently the girl was more interested in chatting with Oz than hassling her, which was a good thing. Heart thudding with anxiety, she waited until she saw Oz start talking to the girl before she grabbed Gilbert and swept him into her arms. The kitten let out an annoyed noise as it tumbled off of his lap.

Alice stared down into her own face and her skin crawled.

This was unbearable.

Once they escaped she'd have to use the guns on both of them.

Unless a better option presented itself, which she didn't believe.

This whole situation was driving her crazy.

She hurried towards the exit as quickly as she could. Surprisingly it was easy enough to run while carrying a person. The seaweed head had some upper body strength after all. Either that, or Alice was smaller than she thought.

Rain pounded down on them the second she stepped outside. She growled under her breath, looking from left to right. Normally she could tell where shelter would be, but her new senses failed completely and didn't provide any clues. So she decided to go right.

She hurried along until she came to a house. It was tiny with boarded up windows, and weeds were all that decorated the garden. Alice tried to open the handle while balancing Gilbert in one arm; he slid out of her grasp and onto the porch with a thud.

That couldn't be helped. It wasn't like he would even notice anyway.

Her attention returned to the handle, and she tried opening it again. It was locked. Without a second thought, she gave the door a swift kick. To her surprise, it swung open with a loud creak. She sighed in relief and grabbed Gilbert by the cuff of his jacket. She cringed inwardly; she really liked it, even though it was only fabric.

And then she dragged him into the house, trying not to think too much about it.

Dust invaded her nostrils and she sneezed. No one had lived here for a while. There was only a square room, with a stone cold fireplace located in one corner. She propped Gilbert beside it and he immediately fell over. She blew out a breath and tried again with the same result.

"Useless seaweed head, even Emily can manage to sit up on her own!"

But Gilbert's body remained where it had fallen, a limp ragdoll. Alice couldn't believe she was doing this, but she sat next to Gilbert and pulled him up, wrapping an arm around his waist. Her throat felt dry as she did so, but there was no other choice. It was either hold him like this or see herself looking half dead and pathetic splayed out on the floor.

The sound of the rain pattering on the roof made her feel sleepy.

Usually she couldn't sleep unless she had a full stomach, but so much had happened today. Besides, Gilbert's body seemed to run just fine without any fuel. She felt her eyelids closing and struggled to stay awake. Once he came to, they would have to find Oz yet again. Her manservant was usually cheerful even in the strangest circumstances but having his friends running off like this would probably upset him. She'd have to bite his cheek again; he seemed to feel better when she did that before and...

"Oz."

Alice glanced down at Gilbert, who had curled himself closer to her. Huh. No wonder she hadn't felt the cold in this unheated dump. He seemed to be coming back to reality; there was a small smile on his lips.

Alice noted that she, unlike him, had a very nice smile indeed.

"Wake up," she instructed.

He reached his hand out and rested it on her chest. She stared down at it, ready to slap it off, but decided to leave it. Sharon had told her that boys couldn't touch her there, unless she wanted them to. Alice had thought that a stupid idea at the time: why would anyone want to be touched there? But now that she was male she supposed it didn't really matter. Sharon had never said anything about that.

"Oz," he murmured again.

Irritation grew in her chest. She knew he was practically Oz's dog and everything, but to say his name all the time, even in unconsciousness? That was stretching it quite a bit. She'd have to teach him how to say some other words. Maybe then he'd be more interesting.

She reached with her free hand to pat his face, when he spoke again.

"Jack."

Alice's hand hovered over her own face, now his face, unsure how to proceed. What was he doing, talking about Jack? He didn't know him. Jack was _her_ important person, not his. To just say his name so casually...to have such a happy expression on his face...Alice didn't know what to do about him stealing something as precious as a memory from her.

Dazed violet eyes focused on her suddenly. They stared at one another.

"Wh...where am I?" Gilbert croaked. "I ache all over."

"There was a—"

"Wait, why am I talking to myself?"

Alice snorted. "You're me now, seaweed head. How lucky for you to forget that horrible fact!"

Realization dawned on his face. He looked at Alice, then at their closely intertwined bodies. Blood seemed to rush into his face all at once and he scrambled away from her. Alice stretched out her arm: it was numb from leaving it in one position for so long.

"Stupid rabbit, what on earth were you doing to me?" He spluttered. "Last time I checked, we didn't assume that kind of position!"

"What's your problem?" She bent her fingers gingerly, wincing as they began to tingle. "Way to be grateful after I saved your pathetic self from humiliation. If Oz had seen you unconscious with the cat it would've been easy for him to—"

Gilbert's flushed face suddenly turned white.

"The cat...was on me...?"

"Yes."

Alice saw that he was on the verge of fainting again. She got up, walked a few steps and crouched down beside him. Panicked breaths escaped from his lips as he looked at her. A feeling she couldn't place washed over her; it was a feeling that made her want to comfort him.

She gave him a small pat on the back.

"You'll live, don't worry. The cat's not here now, is it?"

"N-no, but..."

"Anything is better than Oz finding out, right?"

"Y-yes, but..."

"Then there isn't a problem!"

"The f-fact that we're still not back to ourselves is a major problem! I've left Oz alone today so many times. Even if I return to normal I'll never be able to make that up to him." He covered his face with one hand. "And there's no point in living anyway since Break knows."

"How? We never even _saw_ him since we became this way!"

"I did," Gilbert admitted. "He just knew."

Alice joined him on the floor, no longer caring how stupid she would look. She buried her face in her arms. If the clown knew, everyone knew. He wouldn't have a problem sharing this bit of information with anyone who would listen. What would happen once they returned to the mansion?

"We're going to have to kill him," she muttered. "It's the only way."

"What good will that do if he told others?"

"It'll make me feel better, seaweed head."

"Don't call me that anymore, stupid rabbit! _You_ have my so-called sea—"

"Is that so?" She looked up from her knees. "Then _you_ can't call me stupid rabbit anymore! We'll have to swap insults as well as bodies. And that isn't fair, since my name for you is much more satisfying. I'm not even a rabbit!"

Gilbert raised his eyebrows. "What happened to _I'm the great Bloodstained Black Rabbit!_ ? And all the crazy laughing to go along with that statement?"

"Shut up!" She glared at him. "I do not have a crazy laugh!"

"Sure you do." He smirked at her. "Would you like me to show you again?"

"Don't." Alice stiffened, ready to injure her own face if necessary. "Or else—"

"Or else what? Nothing matters anymore. Not since Break is aware of the situation."

"But Oz isn't, and I'll tell him!"

"You wouldn't."

"I don't care about what he thinks of me," Alice said, the words burning her tongue. "But you do, since he is your precious master. So it would be much worse for you if he found out. Raven, a girl! No, not even a girl, just a chain that no one cares about!"

Gilbert was silent and Alice realized she had said too much. She looked away from him, getting to her feet. Something wet trickled onto her upper lip and she wiped at it, realizing that her nose was running. She sneezed once, and before she knew it, couldn't stop.

"What is this?"

"I have allergies," he stated. "No one's cleaned this place in ages."

"Useless! Pathetic! Unbelievable!" Alice yelped between sneezes. "Is there any problem you don't have?"

"I'm not a chain." He paused. "No wait, I am. Let's find Oz. Maybe we should tell—"

"You'll pay for your insolence!"

Gilbert's surprised expression was the last thing she saw before she planted a kiss on his lips. He struggled for a second before surrendering. There, that had shut him up real quick. And if she was lucky, it would work according to plan.

She pulled away first. "Take that!"

"What the hell, are you insane?" Gilbert's cheeks were dark red. "You do realize that you kissed yourself, right?"

"It's better than kissing you!"

"_What_? You just did!"

"I'm you now, so it doesn't count!" Alice proclaimed triumphantly. "Besides, it's just a kiss. Nothing to get worked up about, seaweed head. I've done it before with Oz and he didn't react like this."

"But why? I thought that you...that we...hated each other..."

"Don't talk nonsense!" She crossed her arms. "I wanted to give you allergies, of course!"

The rain stopped, which made his next words painfully clear.

"Allergies aren't contagious, Alice."

* * *

_A/N: Oh my god, I have no idea what I was doing for most of this chapter. xD Feel free to tell me I butchered it, because I did, didn't I? If you happen to have liked it that is a major relief. Next chapter's the last one. Thanks for all the reviews! (: Everyone who has taken the time to read/review gets a cookie from me. Virtual, yes, but full of my appreciation! I hope you find this story at least slightly amusing~  
_


	5. Normal?

They were almost back at the restaurant and still hadn't spoken to each other.

After Gilbert explained to her what allergies actually were, she had simply huffed and stomped out of the abandoned house. That girl wasn't a good loser.

He still couldn't believed what had happened. That she had actually _kissed_ him. Gilbert knew that the rabbit was stupid, hence the nickname he had for her, but really? Sharon hadn't done as good a job of explaining the concept of romance to the chain as she had told everyone. Then again, it was probably Alice's fault if she didn't understand. The only desires she had were for meat and finding her memories.

The more time he spent in her body, the more he felt himself desiring those very things. He wondered whether they could actually return to normal over the next two days. Gilbert had actually gotten used to having breasts, after all. And she had probably gotten used to his own... male appendage. But he didn't want to think about that. He glanced down at his chest again. The female body didn't seem strange to him anymore. At least that was one mystery of the world solved.

Something sounded like it was being strangled.

He looked to see a pissed off Alice glaring at him.

"Do I need to explain this to you again, seaweed for brains?"

"What?"

She poked him in his left breast and he couldn't help but flinch.

Damn, these things would be troublesome in a fight if they were so sensitive.

Alice recoiled after realizing what she had done. "Hey! Stop...stop being sexy!"

"What?" He felt his cheeks grow hot. "You never make any sense."

"You're being sexy to my body!" She crossed her arms as if to protect her chest, but as a male, it was pointless. "Sharon told me that if someone does that without my permission, it's being sexy, remember?" Alice practically screamed the next words: "Sexy harassment!"

He had never known that he had such a girly scream.

But he needed to get this whole mess straightened out.

"You mean _sexual_ harassment? The two concepts are different."

They stared at each other for a long second and she rummaged inside her jacket.

Then she threw the pack of cigarettes at him.

"The hell!" Gilbert yelped as they bounced off his skull. "Have you lost your mind?"

"I no longer have a mind since I'm you!"

Gilbert felt something inside him snap and he lunged, with full intent to teach her a lesson. She was no longer a girl, physically at least, so it wasn't going against his moral values. Golden eyes widened as he barrelled into her. Taken by surprise, Alice fell to the ground. He found himself sitting on her stomach and hitting her chest. To his surprise, his cheeks were wet.

"I hate you!" The image of his master, with bright green eyes and an equally bright smile, flashed before him. "Oz is going to die because of you!"

He punctuated each sentence with hitting her as hard as he could.

It took a moment for him to realize that she wasn't fighting back.

His punches became weaker and weaker before he stopped.

She remained where she had fallen, utterly motionless.

Gil could barely see her through a blur of tears. He blinked and brought a hand to his face. God, had he been crying? This realization had the opposite effect; instead of stopping the tears, they just came even harder.

This was the most embarrassing moment of his life.

He was practically straddling Alice on the sidewalk—or himself—but he was too tired to get off of her. It was hard enough to keep himself upright through the sobs. Gilbert knew he had a tendency to be a crybaby, but that had been years ago. Since becoming Raven, he only cried when he was drunk. Admittedly, that was often, as losing his master had driven him to depend on a variety of habits. Like smoking and drinking.

Those had kept the tears at bay, but now, as Alice, he couldn't stop.

Suddenly, he fell arms wrap around him and he was pulled down.

Gil smelled cigarettes as he face planted into her chest. Except it was _his_ chest. But he was too tired to keep who was who straight. He found himself clinging to black fabric, sobbing his heart out. And then a hand was stroking his hair. Alice was...comforting him? Did the chain really have a feeling of empathy for him?

"Don't cry," Alice said in a soft voice.

As if by magic, he felt the tears slowly come to a halt. She continued stroking his hair and he melted beneath her touch. This felt nice. It reminded him of being a child. Of course, he and Vincent had been orphans without parents to dote on them, but he had imagined what such a thing would feel like. And she was so warm and solid beneath him.

He closed his eyes. "Sorry."

"For what?

"Attacking you. It's been a long day and I couldn't control myself."

"It didn't hurt at all."

"Why do you sound so surprised?"

"I thought that your body was weak." She sighed. "But I'm the weak one."

"Don't know about that." He sat up, feeling dizzy. "As B. Rabbit you do a great job of kicking ass and taking names. I would be worried to face you when you're wielding that scythe."

"Good."

She smiled genuinely, and although they were his lips, it was pure Alice.

Then her eyes widened, the smile vanishing.

"G-get off me, you s-stupid rabbit!" she yelled suddenly, shoving him off her. "You're so clumsy, falling on me like that! You got me all wet!"

He winced as water from the recent rainfall seeped into his clothes.

Alice was already on her feet, and she scowled down at him.

But there was fear in her eyes behind the menace.

"Why did—"

Someone laughed and Gilbert realized that Oz stood right there.

Pinpricks of heat stabbed his body.

He must have seen them.

To the casual observer, it probably hadn't appeared quite so innocent.

"You should be more careful." Oz helped him up. "The ground's slippery."

"Ah...um...well..." Gilbert stammered. "It was all the fault of that, uh, seaweed..."

"Drop the act, you two."

He and Alice exchanged mortified looks. Oz knew. The world began to spin around him but he forced himself to focus. So what if that was the case? Oz's knowledge just meant that Gilbert would never be taken seriously again and would never be able to look the young blond in the eye for the rest of his life. A red eye full of mischief drifted into his brain. That's right, Break knew too.

There had to be a place he could run away to.

Judging by the less than amused expression on Alice's face, she would do the same.

She spoke first. "There is no act. We have no idea what you're talking about."

"Really?"

"Really," Gilbert chimed in, trying to sound tough. "Like I would be part of anything involving seaweed head. The great B. Rabbit would never stoop so low!"

Gilbert was about to break into haughty laughter but Oz held up a hand.

"I don't mind." He smiled. "In fact, I always had a feeling about it." He nodded to himself. "Yes, it all makes sense. Why you always run off together, why you exchange those looks, why you happened to be in that position just now."

His heart pumped crazily in his chest. Gilbert felt sick. If Oz said one more word, he would puke. Thankfully he hadn't eaten any meat yet. Otherwise the mess would be even more disgusting. He noticed Alice clenching her fists, a grimace on her face. She seemed to be in as much pain, if not more, than he was.

"Gil and Alice are in love!" Oz exclaimed cheerfully. "And it's funny because you only seemed to have realized it since—"

The horror of what Oz's was saying faded away. The spot where Alice had thrown the cigarette box felt like someone hit it with a pickaxe. Gil dropped to his knees, pressing his palms against his temples. Oh God, what the hell was this? It felt like his brain was going to burst out of his skull. The entire color spectrum seemed to flash before his eyes, and he thought he laughed, but wasn't sure.

Darkness replaced the colors and the pain vanished.

"Alice?"

Oz was calling for that stupid rabbit. But he was the rabbit, so he had to stay in character. He flickered open one eye to see Oz looking at him. He felt like he had been drugged. Each of his limbs seemed to weigh a ton.

"Stop calling me," he mumbled. "I wanna sleep, manservant."

Oz grinned. "Ah, Gil is back now."

Gilbert shot upright. "No, damn it! I'm not the seaweed head—"

"Yes, you are." Oz reached up and patted his head. "See? Messy."

Wait a second...they were back at the Rainsworth mansion?

Gilbert raised his hands to his face and almost wept for joy.

He was a man again. He was free!

"Damn it," A feminine voice muttered. "I've never been so hungry, _ever_!"

"Welcome back, Alice!"

Her violet eyes widened at Oz's greeting.

"No, I'm not—"

"It's okay, Alice. And Gil. You're both back in your bodies, so everything's normal."

She sat there for a second, looking stunned.

Then she did the same thing as he had and raised her hands to her face.

"Yes!" She jumped out of bed, pumping her fists in the air. "This is the best!"

Gilbert was tempted to join her in the celebrations but an adult man hopping around like a schoolgirl was something no one wanted to see. So he merely stood up and stretched, feeling grateful that his long limbs had returned and he was no longer a midget.

He glanced down at Oz, who seemed amused by all of this.

Then it all clicked into place.

"You knew," Gilbert gasped. "You knew from the very beginning that we switched bodies!"

Oz grinned. "Neither of you should take up acting."

Gilbert covered his face with one hand, trying to shield himself from this fact. Humiliation wanted to be best friends with him, it seemed. Meanwhile, the rabbit continued to bounce around the room in a frenzied state, constantly looking at herself in the mirror to make sure that she was really there. Oz sat in an armchair, taking the scene in.

A knock came on the door.

"Are they awake yet?" crooned a sing song voice. "I'd love to see them!"

"We brought snacks," a creepy voice that could only be Emily's chiming in.

"Go away!" Gil exclaimed.

"I'm glad you're so happy to see me, Raven!" Break said as he opened the door, pushing a cart laden with food. "You too, Miss Alice."

Alice looked like she wanted to pounce on him, but the food distracted her.

"Whatever, clown!" She joined him by the cart. "Got any meat here?"

"A few items." He smiled pleasantly. "But that roast pig you wanted is downstairs."

She flew out of the room before he could finish the sentence.

"My, my, Raven. You look positively green."

"Shut up!"

"Taking lessons from Miss Alice, I see. I'm glad you two have had this experience." He pulled a lollipop out of each sleeve, licking them in turns. "Now I hope there won't be any more bickering between you two."

"Did you tell anyone?" Gilbert demanded. "If you did, I'll—"

"Use Raven on me, steal all my sweets, seduce Sharon?"

"Big talk for such a girly man!" Emily cackled.

Break crunched on the lollipop in his left hand. "Shh, Emily. Embracing your feminine side is all the rage nowadays." He tilted his head to the side. "Don't worry, Raven, your secret's safe with—"

"Good morning!" Sharon appeared in the doorway, eyes sparkling. "I heard _all_ about your adventure! Would you like to join us downstairs? Once Alice is finished eating we're going to try on new clothes!"

Gil looked at Break, who blinked at him innocently.

"Thank you," Gilbert said, gritting his teeth, "but that..._adventure_ was beyond my control and..."

Sharon walked daintily over to him and took him by the arm.

Her grip was surprisingly steel-like.

"Are you sure?" She batted her eyelashes at him. "I'll be so _sad_ if you don't join in!"

Unable to resist for fear of retaliation, he nodded.

"Lovely!"

"Don't worry, Raven!" Break called after them. "I've seen the dresses and they match your hair quite nicely!" He turned to Oz. "Miss Alice and Raven are perfect for each other, are they not?"

Oz nodded. "But it'll be a long time before they see that!" A devilish smile crossed his face. "I'm going to watch Gil play dress up."

"Really, Oz, you're such a sadist."

"Gil in a maid outfit would do that to anyone."

Break laughed as they headed downstairs.

* * *

_A/N: Hell yeah, I've finished my very first PH fic! Usually I never finish anything so this is quite an achievement for me. Thank you all a million times over for your reviews. I treasure each and every one of them. Whenever I get an alert that someone had reviewed/favorited any of my work I seriously die of happiness. (: Keep your eyes peeled for more of my (fail?!) stories. I love PH and shall keep writing for it as long as people are interested! *hugs for all*  
_


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